August 13, 2026
It sometimes feels like every aspect of my life is like a Jenga tower. It’s very late in the game. All of the easy blocks have been removed. There have been several other extractions that seemed to prophesize the end. It’s clear, though, very clear that the next move will be the deciding move when the entire contraption comes down. But the next move must happen. That’s life.
When it feels like every part of my life is like this–finances, work, friends, family, free time, health–I have to force myself to look closer. Is it actually everything, or am I simply feeling overwhelmed by a few of these? Usually, I can see not everything is teetering on the edge of disaster.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
July 31, 2026
One important topic that came up in therapy recently was considering outcomes of therapy. If I am hoping to become a better, more mentally healthy version of myself, what does that look like? What would healing do for me?
It’s hard to put into words. It’s really a I’ll-know-when-I-feel-it kind of things. Perhaps, most importantly, I’ll look at all I have and finally appreciate it. When I try to see my life through the eyes of ten-year-old me, that little kid is amazed at all I have done and all I have built for myself and my loved ones. I want to be like that little kid.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
July 10, 2026
When I hear people discuss transgenderism, I find it so surprising when they say they don’t think it’s real. Whenever someone has a different opinion from mine, I try to put myself in their place as much as I can and think about the issue through what I know about them and their values.
This subject feels different, though. Most likely because I haven’t had many days when I don’t think about transgenderism or when it isn’t real. I think those who don’t believe anyone feels that way must have a good sense of themselves. To have never had to look around and say, “I am supposed to be like those people, but I’m really not.” To question things the majority of people have the freedom to ignore.
What is it like to respond to something without having to plan for the people in the room? Not having to censor yourself when talking about yourself? Not having to stay silent when you have an unpopular opinion?
The sad thing is, I don’t think the people who have never questioned their own gender have life any easier. What they don’t need to account for is questioning that aspect of themselves when they’re with family or with friends or in society in general. It adds an extra layer of apprehension and unease.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
June 26, 2026
I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and she said that the other people in our group couldn’t understand how every time she or I enter into a group of people, we automatically feel left out simply because most people are cis hetero people. It seemed like something none of them had thought about before, and why would they?
One thing cis hetero people don’t keep in mind when they vilify members of the LGBTQ community is the difficulties LGBTQ people face on a daily basis are enough for them to keep them closeted, stop them from being who they truly are. Daily life as a person on the fringe or on the outside can cause people to lose hope or lose the willingness to pursue their dreams. Everything is just a little bit harder, if not monumentally harder, for people in the LGBTQ community. So why would anyone want to come out to society and risk the ridicule and aggression that comes with saying who you are? If you aren’t LGBTQ, why tell a hateful world that you are?
Of course, if you are LGBTQ and you have a good group of friends and/or a supportive family, things are not as bleak.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
June 12, 2026
Kinkade’s family, until he starts living as a male, understands nothing about what it means to be trans. The parents have vastly different responses because I wanted to show both sides of what I’ve seen, and frankly, of my personal experience.
The father is accepting in a somewhat helpless way because he doesn’t want to let his child down and doesn’t want to lose the relationship he has with his child. The mother, though, is offended, believing the change or thinking of the change is somehow her fault.
It’s good to see that on the internet there are places parents can go for support. I have spoken with a number of parents who are trying their best but still have many questions, and while it’s my instinct to help the trans-person first, their loved ones also go through an adjustment.
________________________________________________________________________________________
April 18, 2026
There isn’t another time in your life when friends matter as much as they do while you’re in your teens. Friends fill the crucial role your family usually cannot–they let you know that your awkwardness isn’t awkward to them. They let you know you have value just by being yourself.
When friends stay beside you after you come out to them, they become indispensable. Having someone to be honest with about your true identity is more important than anything else while you’re working on the kind of adult you want to be. Friends who can see who you will be in the future can make the difference between a good day and a bad day. A good week and a bad one. A good high school experience and a bad one.
Friends are essential to surviving high school and all of the identity crises that arise.
________________________________________________________________________________________
March 1, 2026
Some of what happens to Kinkade is based on things that happened to me, except I only had Madi and Libby. There was no Danny, and Dad was out of the picture. Adding Danny was a real turning point for the story. I feel like he is quietly cheering Kinkade on the whole time and trying to be a good friend. He’s what my editor Tamara Grasty calls “a lighthouse.”
If I could wish something for trans teens, I would wish for them to have a person like Danny in their lives to help them see the positive part of their own personalities and the possibilities that exist when you give life another chance whenever it knocks you down.
________________________________________________________________________________________
February 25, 2026
I intended for Out of Blue Comes Green to show how difficult it can be for LGBTQ teens to reveal themselves to their school. While Kinkade’s friends have known for years that he is trans, he has never felt ready to tell everyone else.
How do you tell people you don’t know that you have preferred pronouns? Or different pronouns than your name might suggest?
How do you tell other people the new name you want to be called? And how do you deal with the shame and anger that come when they call you something else? People call a birth name a trans person’s dead name. But can it really be dead when it echoes in your memories and comes out of other people’s mouths from time to time?